THOSE LOVELY MEMORIES (:

went for 1 star kayaking course with np mates last thurs,it was super fun and i got sunburnt,haha,just imagine being under the sun for 6 hrs =X i guess i'm not fit enough cause i've got muscles aches after that. also had np trg last sat,it was the last trg for this yr. had games and all that,the usual stuffs.

actually,i'm not in a very good mood these few days. i'm just too affected by everything that's been happening around me. i've been thinking quite alot lately. i'm just not fit to be the vice-head. i didn't lead the prefectorial board well and i can't even bond all the prefects together. perhaps it was because of this that all these things are happening to the prefectorial board. i really didn't do my job well as a vice-head,oh well,i'm just not a good leader. i feel so demoralised. so many times that i broke down because of this,sometimes i really feel like giving up,but i decided to hold on,and time and again,i told myself that i must do my best for the board. however,after all these that hv happened recently,i really dunno what to do now.

i'm lost ; very.



suddenly the moment's gone
and all your dreams are upside down
and you just want to change the way
the world goes round

posted by janice @ 9:20 PM

why must everything come crashing down at the same time?
rahhhhhh.
feeling very emo now :(



*it all seems to be an illusion

posted by janice @ 10:51 PM

went to vivo city with parents and sisters yst. we headed to the food court first to have our dinner. the food court was kinda unique. the whole ambience of it was like singapore in the 1960s. the stalls were made to look like those in the 1960s,and the music played were those old chinese songs. food there was nice,but very very expensive. i bought a bowl of laksa for $6.90 =X after dinner,we went to the sky terrace. the night view is very very nice,and the breeze is so cooling. the sea view is beautiful,i love that place alot (: we didn't manage to shop much,cause it was quite late and most of the shops were closing,but nvm,i shall go again another day and shop for the whole day,it'll be nice =D we headed home at 10pm,and guess what,we got stuck in the carpark for 30 mins beacause there was a traffic jam in there >.<

today went to east coast with my family. dad bought lunch and we went there to eat. nice breeze and finally,there's fresh air,no haze! :D so my sisters brought their hmwk there to do cause their exams are not over yet,and i brought my chinese mock papers there too. didn't really hv the mood to do though,wanted to go cycling but my sis had to do her work,so nobody to accompany me. haha,had no choice but to do the mock papers.

oh well,i've been spending quite alot of time with my family these few days :D and i feel happy about it cause i know that i'm drifting apart from my family. i haven't really been spending time with them since the start of this year,the only exception is when we have dinner together on sundays. i always put studies,cca and friends as my priorities,but now,i think my family should be in one of my priorities too. i feel so bad when my mum say that i always don't put aside any time for them.

i used to think that my parents don't understand me and they do not care about me at all. the things that happened a few yrs ago strained my relationship with my dad,but now,i can see that he's trying very hard to close the gap between the both of us. mum had alrdy forgive him,so i think i shouldn't think abt it anymore. on the surface it seems that my dad doesn't care for me,but after hearing what mum told me recently,i know that he cares alot all the while,maybe it's just because he doesn't show it out. for a period of time,i thought that my family is going to be broken,although it's like 2 yrs alrdy,i'm glad that everything is over. i just suddenly feel so blessed. thank you mum and dad for everything (:



*make that smile come back and shine just like it used to be

posted by janice @ 11:43 PM

HELLO EVERYONE! i'm back (: my apologies for not updating my blog,i was kinda lazy,haha.

ok,results are out,so i shall do a reflection on it.

English- B3
my target was to get at least an A2,but i got a B3 instead. i am very disappointed in myself,and i think mr lim is disappointed in me too. at first,i thought it was because of paper 1 that i scored badly,so i was complaining to him abt how much i regretted choosing the narrative qn,but he told me it was paper 2 that pulled my marks down. i don't know why everyone did so badly for paper 2,when all of us thought it was a rather easy paper. i failed the compre part,and it was my summary that helped pull my marks up. yeah,i cried in front of mr lim,which is so embaressing. i hate to cry in front of teachers because it makes me look like a fool,but i don't know why i cannot control my tears when it comes to bad results. well,but i am happy for my class,cause its 100% pass for english [:
HCL- A2
i'm suprised i got an A2,haha. it's the first time i got an A for chinese,so i'm quite satisfied. this shall boost up my morale for the upcoming chinese o lvls =)
E Maths - B4
i don't know why i just suck in e maths. lol,i got an A1 for paper 1 but a D7 for paper 2,so combined is B4. rahhhh,same situation as mid-year,failed paper 2,and i think it was because i am very weak in graphs =X
A Maths - A2
don't really have much comments abt the paper,except that i didn't do as well as mid-yr.
Physics - C6
i passed physics!!!!!!!! by 1 mark,lol. but it's a miracle that i manage to pass. physics is a total nightmare to me. mum have decided to sign me up for physics tuition. think she's pretty worried for me,after seeing me fail so miserably for every test,haha. i hope tuition helps,but most importantly,i think i should try to get myself to be interested in physics first,cause i don't think i will be able to score well if i hate the subject.
Chemistry - C6
i don't know what happen to my chemistry. i got a B3 for mid-yr exams and now i got a C6. maybe i haven't put in enough effort in studying for it. i'm sorry ms chang :(
Pure Geography - A1
after all,i didn't waste my brain cells memorising those stuffs (: but i guess i could have done better for the MCQ.
Combined Humanities - C6
this is bad. i think the only problem is the lack of time management. i didn't have time to complete both the social studies and history papers. for social studies,i lost 16 marks because i didn't finish 2 source-based qns. as for history,i lost 13 marks for not doing 1 of the structured essay question,but nvm,i didn't study much for history,so i deserve it.

alright,enough about results. now that exams are over,it means that CCAs will resume,and this will really keep me busy. with prefect stuffs,np stuffs,THIMUN and NYAA,there's no doubt that my hols will be packed. haha,i kinda like it this way. i don't know why but i'd rather spend my hols occupied with these activities,than to rot at home everyday. i just wanna occupy myself with things to do,and keep myself busy. i'm not being saddistic or what,but at least this way,i get to spend my hols more meaningfully,knowing that i did not waste my time doing nothing :D



so much confusion circling inside my head
what this one and that one said
its all an illusion

posted by janice @ 10:29 PM

today's our last paper,chemistry. well,although i think i'm not gonna do well in it,but i'm still happy,cause EXAMS ARE OVER! :D :D :D

finally an end to the endless nights of staying up late to mug and mental block outs. yay!!! there's gonna be a 1 week break for me before going back to sch on the 18th. results will be out on the 19th. i'm not eager to know any of my results at all and i don't wish to get back my results. i think i'll be utterly disappointed in myself cause i don't think i'm gonna do well this time,and i have only myself to blame for neglecting my studies due to my commitments. well,i shall let this be a lesson learnt to me,hopefully it will not happen the nxt exams. i really got to learn how to manage my time well,cause my time management seriously sucks =X

now that final year exams are over,i have to start preparing for my chinese o lvl paper in 2 weeks time. there isn't much to study but i'm gonna brush up my compre skills by doing chinese comprehension everyday. i hope it helps,haha. i must score well,cause the criteria to continue taking hcl nxt year is to score at least an A1 or A2 for chinese o level,so i really hv to buck up! i'm not going to let 3 years of my efforts of studying hcl go to waste just like that (:



so here we stand
anchored in hope
letting the rain wash away every fear
stars in the sky
twinkle and shine
i pray they won't disappear

posted by janice @ 12:31 AM

HAPPY MOONCAKE FESTIVAL TO ALL! :D

physics and history paper today. it's like the worst combination of papers,cause both subjs are pretty tough and requires one to memorise alot of things. i realize that i couldn't juggle both subjs at the same time,cause i tend to concentrate on one subj and neglect the other.

yst was hcl paper and it turned out to be not as bad i thought it was. in fact the paper was rather easy,especially the compo for paper 1 cause we did the topic before (: yupps,after the paper,i went to look for ms chen to ask her some physics qns before rushing home to study. i started studying for physics at around 3pm,all the way to 11.30pm,of course with my dinner break in between and 1 hr of tv time. by then,i still had 2 chpts of physics left and i haven't started on history at all. at first,i didn't want to slp cause i haven't finish studying,but i was too lethargic,so i decided to slp for awhile. i slept at 11.30pm and set my alarm to wake up at 1am,thinking that i can study the 2 chpts of physics by 3am and i will still be left with 3 hrs to study for history before preparing to go to sch. in the end,my alarm wasn't working,so it did not ring and i didn't wake up at 1am. woke up at 5am instead,and i really freaked out when i saw the time. i panicked and i didn't know what to do.

it was really a test for me emotionally. i had to study as much as i can in the short amount of time i'm left with,but at the same time i had to battle the fears i had in me-the fear that my mind would just blank out when i see the paper. i went to sch,trying to study as much as i could but nothing seems to get in,there are many moments i tried to control my tears while studying,until i finally broke down before the papers. yes,i had a mental breakdown,and it was the first time i was feeling so fearful of a paper. i just cried everything out. yeah,i know its stupid but i would rather let it all out before the papers than just break down during the paper. mr reduan saw me crying and he consoled me. he told me that he know what i was undergoing and how i felt,somehow,i felt much better after what he told me. so i told myself that i got to face it,whether or not i studied for it,i still got to take the papers.

as expected,i didn't know how to do many qns in the physics paper,and for history,the topics that came out for the structured essay qns were on china and germany. unfortunately,i studied on the weimar government for germany but it didn't come out. both the qns under germany were on the nazi party. in the end,i chose the qn on germany cause i had no idea what the other 2 qns were talking abt. for the 1st part of the qn, i just wrote down everything that i know but i didn't do the second part,cause i didn't understand what the question was talking abt. yupps,and there goes my history and physics marks.

finally,this torturing week is over. and after what happened,i learnt that studying last min would not help at all. it was because i left everything to last min studying that i had difficulty coping with it. just let this be a lesson learnt to me,i'm going to be more consistent next time and make sure that this will not happen again =) i haven't been being myself these few days,guess i'm too stressed up over exams. everyone faces setbacks,and i'm not gonna let it stop me frm being myself,i'm gonna find the real JANICE back =]

6 papers down,4 more to go. work hard people,and we're gonna get promoted together. esp 3e2,we will and must go to sec 4 together =D anyway,it's very hazy these few days,so take care everybody!

5 more days to end of exams! yay!!! xD



cause time has made me strong
i'm starting to move on

posted by janice @ 10:19 PM

oh well,i had such high hopes on a maths paper,but i guess now my hopes are all dashed. i got the whole qn on coordinate geometry wrong just because i couldn't find one of the coordinates of the points. so,i lost 8 marks. plus the other qns that i didn't know how to do,i alrdy lost a total of 10 plus marks,and this excludes all the careless mistakes i'm going to make.

as for ss,it wasn't any better than a maths,in fact,it was worse. there were 4 parts to the source-based qns but i only managed to finish 2 parts of it. i didn't hv time to do the last 2 parts,and it costed me 14 marks. btw,the total marks for the whole paper was 50 marks. so now,the max. mark i can get will be 36,and i know this is impossible cause i can't be scoring full marks for structured essay and the first 2 parts of source-based qns that i attempted.

after today's paper,i went to hougang interchange to make my ez-link card(i lost my wallet on monday),and then went straight home,thinking that i could study physics and history since its hcl paper tmr and there isn't much to study. but i fell aslp! i slept for 4 hrs and wasted my whole afternoon slping when i could hv used the time to study,rahhhhh!!! not only that,i slept at 11 plus yst night and set my alarm to wake up at 1am this morning to study,in the end,i didn't wake up at 1,i woke up at 3am instead. i'm such a pig. i'm just so angry at myself,why is it that i must waste my time slping when i can use the time to do more important things like studying?it just triggers the feeling of self-hate.i hate myself :(

i don't know if i'll still be able to survive through the whole of this exam period. there are just too many disappointments that keeps taking away each and every bit of my hope to do well for this end-of-yr exam. i feel so hopeless now.



feels like we're caught in a trance
maybe it's all in the mind
but we've gotta find a way to leave all of this trouble behind

posted by janice @ 7:44 PM